If you don’t know, last weekend Justin Timberlake was photographed in New Orleans looking a bit too cozy with his co-star. “Sources” gaslighted the media, saying essentially: come on, how stupid do you think the guy is? He wouldn’t hold hands with and touch the leg of a girl he was later going to sleep with. Not in public. Never.
Personally, I didn’t expect a public apology from JT, but he gave us one anyway. And it wasn’t good (go check his insta feed). It was defensive and avoidant, not to mention riddled with misspellings and stray punctuation (which makes me wonder, who proofreads one’s instagram mea culpas?)
So I, complicated woman that I am, took it upon myself to write a more honest alternative apology. This is it:
It’s hard getting old. I look in the mirror and see a face that doesn’t reflect the vibrancy I feel inside. My body doesn’t operate in the same way it did twenty years ago. Maybe even sometimes I have slight issues with my erection. But don’t quote me on that.
So when my young, glowing co-star looked at me, her gaze said not only was I not old and breaking down, past my prime, but that I was HOT and ON FIRE, of course I couldn’t resist leaning into that. Of course I touched the small of her back. Of course I loved it when she pressed her breast up against my shoulder. She was hot. We were hot. And most importantly, I was hot.
I realize now, only after I’ve embarrassed my family, that the problem is not my wife, or the confines of marriage, the boredom of domestic life, but that I had lost sight of who I was as a man, a performer, and possibly even as a lover. As a result I touched a little and flirted a lot. I drank a lot too. None of those things helped me wake up to the issue the way those cringeworthy paparazzi shots did.
I am sorry for my weakness, but I am also human. I believe I deserve a little leeway because I didn’t actually go through with having sex with her when I clearly could have. With this post, I publicly promise to do better (now that I know you still think I’m relevant…and hot.)